Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
