he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
