someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
