I wish I could punch you in the face.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's blow job season.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
