Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
