Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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