sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
