tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
