i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
