if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
