I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
