I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
