I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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