She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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