I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
