watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
