apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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