I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
