I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
