Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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