Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
