nut hugger
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I need to calm my uterus...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
