He uses pillows to masturbate.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
