Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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