I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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