Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
