Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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