Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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