mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You are a genius and a whore.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
