Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
