Is it normal to miss your booty call?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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