considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
