jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
