its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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