He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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