I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
