its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
