Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
