yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
