you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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