Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
