guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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