i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
