awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
