just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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