I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
