Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
