I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
