Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
