She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
